Was it Love??

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I don’t know but I still can’t get enough of you.I see your last seen, keep checking your  posts and keep phigiting over the texts.
I wanted probably just companionship or was it Love .

I did not want to be your second choice.
Fortunately,  I have dropped the plan to even get in touch with you again.
Someone stopped trying. We move on.
But someone’s moving on was quite a big deal to me.
I seriously doubt the existence of such feelings which I have.
Someday, I would read again the story and then probably would be glad  remembering that it happened!
Your side is awesome. I wanted to be the   same zipped up part.
It was probably, I thought you expected the same.
I don’t want to be judged,neither do I judge you.
I know its completely futile to call you up or send all the emails I…

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Probably we need to talk.

Probably we need to talk,

A bridge between the two of us,

A chord between the ages,

Talk between all these silences,

Probably we need to talk;

A little more time with you, while you won’t meet,

I bring a harvest of smiles from all the plains and the seas,

The seashells and the smell of fallen leaves from the maple trees to the conifers of the Northern latitudes,

Some warm sand and the cold chilly winters which drive past your door,

All my requests and the tender handshakes, come away with me I got lots to tell you about ,for the talks are going to take a whole of your lifetime.

 

 

 

What are we looking for in any relationship?

“Is that love which you are afraid of?” asked Raj after a long sigh.

“No, Raj! absolutely not; it’s just that… I can’t be boyfriend-girlfriend “,explained Shalu trying to speed away the talk.

It had been exactly eight years that Raj tried to confront Shalu again. It was really a long good talk.  
 Their so called relationship had come a long way. From the summers of 2008 till the winters of 2016.
 
The extremely small chats of how-are-you questions. Those limited data email which a ship would receive.The endless supply of one sided Love. 

Raj and Shalu appeared and disappeared on the big hologram of the universe.
Their presence and absence did not make any big news as such.

A sailors love is mostly untouched by time. He picks up from the waves he once had left. 
It kept coming back.

Shalu was that very piece of catalyst in the  “Time” experiment.
She had the wonderful power to  speed up the time or to slow it down. 
For Raj,  Shalu was a great abacus.

“What’s the matter Shalu? Why would you never want to meet? ” texted Raj. 
I have come back for my leave.

Raj knew that we cannot keep hanging around for the branch which eventually is going to break.
Shalu had no idea. She was confused. 
And the cold words she would use in the chats further on were really disheartening. 

Raj wrote mails,long mails and tried to explain it to her. Raj thought love can conquer all.

Love is really hard to find.But leaving that love which has found you; Big mistake. People are important! You might achieve anything big,small, good moments and bad times.
People remain important and that quality gives us the very upper hand not to give up on anything.

We all are tricksters. We keep trick of safety on our side even while we are in a relationship.

Somewhere in all our relationships we are afraid. That’s a sad story.

Jarus erbmoht

Have to go……

“I’m not a good boy, Meera! ” Raj shrugged and tried convincing drunk Meera.

“Look Raj !”,said Meera “Look at the stars, the sun, the oceans, the whole sky, so amazing but so meaningless.”

Meera continued with amazement looking at the sky, ” The Universe is full of possibilities, endless possibilities,Raj!
But it’s destined to be doomed sooner or later;
What’s the point to be good!?”.

She’s not in her senses thought Raj and carried her towards the building.
For a moment he thought about Shalu.

He looked at the distant tree in the society park and thought of going there for a while. Meera was peacefully sleeping on his shoulders blabbering about something.

Raj ,Meera and the solitude. They had become quite good Friends.
But, Shalu kept creeping in his heart. Sometimes letting go is really tough. It’s close to impossible to forget a person completely and start to live without them altogether.
Shalu was so full of confusion. But in that chaos and confusion she had met Raj.
It was Almost love.

” I love you too Raj! ” she had texted him after the happenings that evening when Raj went to meet her.
Her outward denial and this subtle” I love you ” didn’t match the frequency.

Before Raj could reach the
park. Meera ducked her head away from Raj and puked near the footpath.
Raj almost was going to drop Meera but Meera was clearly holding his collar tightly.

Raj made a face and gave her his water bottle from the bag.
“Did you know I was going to puke?, “She asked.
“Of-course not”,said Raj sarcastically.
“Then how do you have a water bottle?”,questioned
Meera.
Sometimes it really hard to ignore.There are girls and then there are intelligent girls and then there are drunk intelligent girls.
They can be anything. They can ask anything. They can question anything howsoever stupid.
Meera wiped her face and played with Rajs cheek and asked “Why have you become so sweet? ” kissing on his right cheek and pointed him to walk towards the flat.

Raj went nervous and obeyed.They went up the elevator door.
Meera had slept on his shoulders. There were no instructions.
As they reached the fifth floor. Meera held Raj tightly and asked him to stay.
Raj announced , ” We are home Meera! “.
He opened the door and slowly put her down on her couch.

Meera kept saying to stay. Raj left a note for Meera.
He had to go.

She won’t meet!

“She doesn’t matter anymore!
Does she? ” smiled Meera and patted Raj’s back.

Raj was not yet drunk. He loudly exclaimed, ” I would have dared to call you, but my guts gave way. ”
Meera remained calm and listened.

Raj was determined to meet Shalu.
“Shalu would never want to meet you!”, said the mirror when Raj leaned to get the keys.
Raj left the room and without saying a word he started his bike.

The whole Bombay sappers road was empty and the clouds had started to form.
He knew it was now or never. As it is Shalu won’t meet. He had to see her he thought.
While Raj crossed the Busy university circle and was just a few minutes away from Pride Silicon Plaza.
It started to rain.
Raj parked the bike and took off his helmet.Soaked in the rain he messaged Shalu, ” It’s high time that you meet me! 😕”
“what do you mean? ” inquired Shalu.
Raj typed, “I m standing down. Come down and meet!”.
Raj was nervous about it. Howsoever, his lungs were working more than usual.
The heart was pumping with such speed that it would have come out the moment Shalu appeared.
The rain was never ending and so was the wait.
Drenched and cold Raj stood firm. He kept looking around for any signs of Shalu.

At last she came, her yellow scarf had covered her face with only eyes visible. She sped away in front of Raj without any Acknowledgement.
Raj saw her eyes and knew it was Shalu speeding by.
He remained calm. Lost in his loss.

“A girl who’d just want to chat and merry while she’s bored. A late night 02:22 am talks about New Year is worth it ,”said
Raj while Meera gave an assuring smile.

Meera signalling the bartender asked for two lambhorgini shots.
Raj looked away from her and picked up his phone,checked his schedule.
He got up to leave.
Meera took Raj’s hand and asked him to join her.

Raj made a face and said, ” Meera! this is your last drink .I already have booked a cab. ”

Meera was clearly drunk to drive home.
Raj asked for the cheque and Meera smiled again looking at him.
Raj sternly said, ” I’m not going to bring you here again! You are too drunk to drive.”
Meera pulled his collar and said, “Raj!
Afterall, every other Girl you meet is going to break your heart. You just need to find a one worth suffering for.”

He picked her bags addressed the cheque. Raj pulled out his phone and kept it in his left side pocket. Raj squat down and let Meera climb on his back.

He adjusted his bag placed one h
and under her thighs straitened his legs and walked past the Bar. She had put a little weight he realised.

“You are very cute Raj! I wish we had a story. ” Meera softly whispered.

A weekend Story ;

It was a really good assignment as Raj stepped out off the gangway.
And as he held his baggage outside for immigration and customs clearance he saw his brother Vaibhav’s msg ping on his messenger.
“Bhai, mom has a girl in mind for you.”

That is how a person is supposed to spend his well earned leave.

Pooja had a birthday on 7th of April that was the day when I had heard her name for the first time.
“Shall we add Meera on the group?” she asked everyone at the table.
We as boys did not mind any new girl on the group.
We had a nice time.I had to leave for Chandigarh for my courses the other day.
As I came up to the city beautiful. A little bridge of small thoughts had formed between Meera and me.

I had never expected it would be such a great weekend.A small greet had transformed into a chapter.
Meera was a practicing doctor.

I liked the girl at her first greet. The small chat had led way to the “getting-to-know-you” questions.
I was impressed but less did I know about Meera’s side.

Her messages had again made life a little more interesting. I everyday had a new talk.

We smiled at, waved through the timings that passed by. The air was a little different.
Even the omellets I made for breakfast had a moment.
We were on the verge of falling for each other that the societal norms came in.
It had just been a week that Meera had showed any visible clue of you know other-than-friends.

Today,she had not messaged me anyhow. Like a hourglass I kept tossing my phone,checking my messages on the web.
Finally, as the whole day turned into night and the night turned to midnight a message popped on my phone.

“Am I just a friend to you?” asked Meera.
I was taken aback.
I looked at the time and wondered. A few hours ago I was watching the “Pirates of the Caribbean Salazar’s revenge!”.

I did not answer the question. And as the blue tick reached her she sent another text.
The whole time stood still while she said,” I just regard you as a friend”.

“Friend-zoned Bro”,shouted the crazy Happy sailor in me.
“What were you thinking about bro? ” the happy sailor asked.

Meera was getting married.
She was to see a boy tomorrow morning with her family.
She had jovially messaged, “Can a Maratha boy elope with a Hatkar?”.
I dared not to call her. I thought we had sometime. There was nothing to say.

Societal norms were at stake. The individuals did not matter. It mattered that a certain caste gets in certain caste only. Afterall,we all were Indians.

I wish we all here were not such hypocrites.

Jarus Erbmoht

A last goodbye to Meera

Hazel eyes at the south end corridor,
May have caught my glimpse through the window.

Sheepish smiles across the queue,
Luggage battened and without you,
At last I rested on the other side of the couch,
I wished my flight never flew.
Meera had a different destination than me.

I grinned at the venn diagram she drew,
There was no common.
We were exclusive and exciting sets.

We were galaxies going far away per the big bang theory.

Is there a possibility of u and me?
The skies and the oceans never meet!

An unsent mail

Maybe I have been thinking about you too much to start writing this mail even before it ends.
Maybe you don’t miss me so much as I have missed you.
May be it’s just me talking to myself and reading too much and too long for all the books that talk about and remind me of you.
Maybe this was meant to be. I’ll just take sometime off before I could send this mail. Considering the circumstances in which I am writing this email. That way my locked feel like that thing will be vented and you don’t have to read the email.
My imagination and you have been long together and now that we are too busy to even say a little cathode ray hello.
Drifting is just about the time.
I have been looking at the photographs for too long now.I have missed u.I want to call you up.I want to talk to you.

May be it’s just me in this whole wide acceleration… Probably u won’t even know the gyrations of my thoughts.
Maybe you are better off without me. Such are the happenings of life!

By the end if this mail I won’t have had sent to you. But just for my records.. It means I m thinking about you.
A small reminder for me from me.

Was it Love??

I don’t know but I still can’t get enough of you.I see your last seen, keep checking your  posts and keep phigiting over the texts.
I wanted probably just companionship or was it Love .

I did not want to be your second choice.
Fortunately,  I have dropped the plan to even get in touch with you again.
Someone stopped trying. We move on.
But someone’s moving on was quite a big deal to me.
I seriously doubt the existence of such feelings which I have.
Someday, I would read again the story and then probably would be glad  remembering that it happened!
Your side is awesome. I wanted to be the   same zipped up part.
It was probably, I thought you expected the same.
I don’t want to be judged,neither do I judge you.
I know its completely futile to call you up or send all the emails I have composed so far.
I wish you could read all of me. I’ll try not to remember you again.
But, you know the case with memories. What you want to forget and what do you want to keep!?
Tired I know  that. I’ll get going.

I keep checking your status,

Your last seen and your attention on all the matters except me.

I jump to text you back so glad that u messaged. Have I lost myself??

Do you even think about me?

Meera

“Jager meister,60 ml,” she said making a sharp tone and signaled the tender. I could not believe my eyes when I saw her.
She saw me with bewilderment and jumped out. I ran to her leaving my glass of Jack Daniels.

She loudly exclaimed, “O my God! Is that you Raj!”. I could just smile.She hugged me and after having had believed what she was living. She said, ” destiny! ”

Meera and Raj were school buddies and it had been 9 years that they had seen each other.
Long time and when they had stared at each other.

She said drinks are on me. Raj said I’m already having a great one.
Meera smiled and said u have not changed a bit. Same cheerful and jumping guy.

“Anyways what are u having?,”Meera asked smiling and eyes wide open.
The Chinese never could have understood what Raj said.
Meera waved at the bartender who smiled back and poured a glass.
“Meera. “Raj said after sipping his drink.
“Yes,Raj”,she said playing with her hair.
“Make some funny faces Raj!” she explained taking her camera out and clicked a selfie.
“Raj,she whined and said cmon..I got to have your photograph.
We don’t have any good photo.”

Raj cried within when he saw her pretty face in the dim light of the café.
It could not happen again. I’m sure that the new year and the rest of your choices regarding your order is complete.
I loved her the moment I saw her the first time. She has the best smile and laugh. A beautiful straight nose which has a tiny nose piercing.

A pair of earrings and the lovely fingers that tries to keep her hair behind her ears.
She’s a great deal of experience.

That’s my Meera for you.
Some get it some don’t. Some just crave for her.. And then some even being there are not there yet.
An unsolved integration with the limits to infinity. More complex than theory of relativity or the time lapse.